My boyfriend is desperate for us to have a baby – but I’m not ready to be a mum

DEAR DEIDRE: I AM finally beginning to live my life as an independent woman but my boyfriend is desperate for us to have a baby.

The whole scenario terrifies me. It’s not as if we’re too young – I’m 39 and he’s 43 – but I’m not ready to be a mum.

I spent my childhood babysitting my mother, who was an alcoholic.

My father spent a lot of time working away. I’d have to get myself up for school and I’d sometimes have to help my drunk mum into bed while I made myself toast.

My mother passed away three years ago, and I vowed to start to put myself first.

My boyfriend’s father is on his own now and he’s desperate to become a grandad.

He’s even said if we had a baby, he’d be happy to child-mind so that I can go back to work.

I know I’d like a baby at some stage, but not yet. My boyfriend keeps asking me about dates for ovulation and saying, “Is tonight a good time?”

But it’s never a good time for me. I’m losing sleep over the thought that I’ll be responsible for yet another person.

DEIDRE SAYS: You do want to become a parent – as long as you can lay to rest your fears about it being a rerun of life with your mother.

Your concerns are likely rooted in the abandonment you experienced as a child from both your parents.

But being a mum yourself is very different – children develop and grow, whereas someone depressed is often very stuck.

Be honest with your partner about what is holding you back and reassure him you are going to get some help to start healing.

Find a counsellor through the British Association For Counselling And Psycho-therapy (bacp.co.uk, 01455 883300).